Reflections
The rain had washed the dust off the bus windows leaving the distant flickering lights evident on the glass. The continuous splatter of raindrops on the window panes was amusing enough for me to ignore the babbling commuters rushing in and out of the heavily crowded bus.
As the bus came to a standstill, the doors flung open and in came the gushing wind accompanied by the fragrance of nostalgia. This reminiscent familiarity evoked a sense of tranquillity, yet havoc arose within. The aroma bewitched her to a trip to memory lane, recalling bittersweet moments of affection and resentment. Yet again, she fell for the facade of his presence. The sunken flowers were anew, draped in a strong cologne of his memories.
All these golden retentions were mesmerizing yet insignificant as he wasn’t around anymore. Her life had become a nostalgic movie on loop, playing and reliving their moments of togetherness, with no traces of a life beyond the memories. In her nightmares, his last moment would show itself pretty often, with a different ending every time. She craved for these alternate realities in which he still was alive. She wondered whether their choices together shaped their current reality. Could they have done something different as an account of which he would still be here with her?
His absence has created a void in her heart that keeps pushing her away from love. She did not choose to live like this, but she couldn’t move on. His memories make her happy, but is this life on the sidetracks fair for her? It has been 20 years without him around. For years now, she had been fine, living with his memories. But now that she is in her fifties, doing everything on her own is challenging. With his loss, she not just lost the love of her life but also her best friend. Loneliness then became a constant in her life. She desires a change now, but not at the risk of replacing him. She wants to keep him and his memories safe in the void of her heart forever.
She knows that he would have wanted her to live her life as she used to with him around, but she cannot bring herself to do that. She knows that life is not supposed to be at a standstill and that she should start living. After all, the presence of people only enhances the beauty of life, but the power to live lies within us. One cannot just erase someone or the subtle souvenirs of memories they leave behind, but one can cherish those and start anew. She knows that she ought to move on, but she isn’t ready. Not, just yet. Maybe someday, but not just yet.
A few moments later, the bus, yet again, came to a standstill. The doors flung open, and she walked out of the bus, lost in her thoughts.
